A CUP OF SUGAR: Building Community By Asking For Help

I remember the days as a young girl when my mom would send me to the neighbor’s house to borrow a cup of sugar.  A couple of hours later, I’d be back at the neighbor’s door with a plate of fresh baked cookies as a thank-you. This simple exchange built connection, trust, and reciprocity—a small gesture that wove us into the fabric of our community.

Over time, we’ve seen a shift in our culture. The deep sense of community and interdependence seems to have faded as we celebrate independence and self-sufficiency, wearing them like badges of honor. Yet, while these qualities can be admirable, they have come at a cost. We’ve forgotten the beauty of leaning on one another, of asking for help, and of offering our support in return. This mindset can easily seep into how we lead, where independence turns into isolation, and self-sufficiency into control.

As someone who has walked this road, I understand the tension between independence and interdependence. Over the years, I’ve had to unlearn the belief that I must do it all on my own and embrace the power of mutual reliance. Leadership, especially in the Church, thrives not when we stand apart but when we lean on each other and grow together.

True leadership begins with connection—heart-to-heart connection. When we foster authentic relationships rooted in trust, love, and respect, we create spaces where asking for help is not transactional but an act of communion. When we value people for who they are rather than for what they can do, we build relationships grounded in honesty, trust, and genuine collaboration.

So how do we foster this type of relational leadership?

It starts with humility and vulnerability. We must be willing to admit that we cannot lead alone. As the body of Christ is made up of many parts, each with unique gifts and strengths, so too must our leadership reflect this. By asking for help, we recognize and invite others to contribute their gifts, building something far greater than ourselves—something that reflects God’s larger plan for our communities. And while we know this in our hearts, asking for help can still be one of the hardest things to do.

Here are a few practical ways to start embracing interdependence in your leadership:

1. Model Healthy Vulnerability: Show that it’s okay to ask for help by being open about your own limitations. If you’re feeling overwhelmed by the details of an event, for example, you might say, “I can’t do this alone—the logistics are overwhelming to me. Who do we know, or who might know someone, good with organization?” This communicates both the need and how someone might be called to use their specific gifts.
2. Invest in Relationships: Leadership is about relationships. Connect with their heart before asking for their hands and feet…and finances. Build trust with a core group beyond the casual conversations after Mass. Invite one or two people at a time for coffee and ask about their family, desires, and challenges. Show genuine interest without an agenda, and you’ll strengthen relationships that make collaboration more natural when the time comes.
   • Side Note: During these initial conversations, avoid asking for help. Focus on connection, not requests, so they feel valued for who they are, not just for what they can do for you.
3. Encourage Collaboration: When planning a parish project, like a community outreach, gather a diverse group from your community and ask for their input. Encourage them to brainstorm ideas and allow them to take ownership. This fosters greater commitment and passion for the initiative.
4. Celebrate Contributions: Recognize even the smallest acts of service. Instead of a generic “thank you,” offer specific appreciation like: “Thank you for helping clean up after Mass—it’s wonderful to have a tidy church.” Public recognition, when appropriate, also reinforces the idea that every contribution matters and encourages others to get involved.
5. Focus on Interdependence: Shift from doing everything yourself to relying on the strengths of your community. For instance, if you usually lead all aspects of a Bible study, invite others to lead discussions or prayer time. This emphasizes that everyone’s gifts contribute to a richer experience for all.

May I Borrow a Cup of Sugar?

Just as I once knocked on my neighbor’s door for a cup of sugar, today I’m knocking on yours—but instead of sugar, I’m asking for your insights. I desire to serve you better and create content that speaks directly to your leadership journey. To do that, I need your help.

Would you please take five minutes to fill out a short questionnaire? Your feedback will help me better understand the leadership challenges you face and what content would be most helpful for you. This small act of sharing your thoughts will not only help me serve you more effectively but will also contribute to the growth and support of our leadership within our communities.

Thank you for your time, your insights, and for being part of this journey of interdependence. Together, we can grow stronger, more connected, and more effective as leaders in our Church.

CLICK HERE FOR QUESTIONNAIRE

One more thing... please pass this along to other leaders you know who could share their insights as well.