BUILDING TRUST STARTS WITH US:

From Unintentional Damage to Intentional Growth

When I was first given a position of authority, I truly believed I was ready to lead.

I worked hard. I showed up early and stayed late. I believed I was helping others grow. I believed I was humble. I believed I was building trust. I believed I was communicating clearly. I believed I was empowering others.

But what I believed and what others experienced were not the same.

I was leading from fear. I needed to be right. I needed to have the last word. I needed to prove I was competent.

Looking back, I was not leading. I was managing from a place of insecurity, self-protection, and an unconscious need for control.

In leadership, there are seasons of pushing forward and seasons of pulling back. But often, we only celebrate the push. The world glorifies hustle and overlooks the holy necessity of pause. Yet every seasoned leader knows—without moments of stillness, we risk moving ahead without direction, speaking out of character, or building something disconnected from our purpose. The world teaches us to stay busy. But what if the real strategy—the wisest leadership move—is to stop?

I Thought I Was a Leader

I did not yet have the language or interior maturity to see what was really happening. I thought I was collaborating, but I was dominating. I thought I was supporting others, but I was micromanaging. I thought I was humble, but I could not admit fault.

Over time, through hard-fought personal healing, interior growth, and a deepening in both self-awareness and social awareness, I began to see clearly. And I began to change.

I started to listen more than I spoke. I asked questions instead of defending. I responded with curiosity instead of control.

And that is when I began to truly lead.

What Happens When Trust Breaks

Today, when I encounter a leader who reminds me of who I was 30 years ago, it hits me immediately. Not out of judgment, but because I remember that version of myself so well. I want to help them, to hold up a mirror, to expedite their growth so they do not have to learn everything the hard way.

But sometimes, leaders are not ready. And sometimes, they have to experience the consequences of lost trust before they begin to grow.

When trust is lost, people do not question out of rebellion. They question out of self-preservation.

When those questions are dismissed or punished, leaders stop shepherding and start gatekeeping. And trust disappears.

What Trust Is Built On

Stephen M. R. Covey outlines four key components of trust in The Speed of Trust:

• Integrity: Are your actions congruent with your words?

Are you aligned with your values? Are you authentic or wearing a persona? If people feel something is off, they stop listening even if your intentions are good.

• Intent: Who is this really for?

Is your motivation about what is best for the people you are serving or about maintaining your position, proving your point, or protecting yourself?

• Capabilities: Can you actually relate and respond?

Are you able to meet people where they are and lead from relevance? Or do you expect them to rise to your level without understanding theirs?

• Results: Does your track record show trustworthiness?

Are the people you lead thriving? Are you growing others and producing fruit or are you burning out good people while trying to prove yourself?

When any one of these pillars begins to wobble, people stop moving forward with you. They begin to hesitate. Communication slows. Collaboration dies. Quiet exits become more frequent.

Covey says, “When trust is high, speed goes up and cost goes down.” But when trust is low, everything becomes harder and more costly emotionally, relationally, and spiritually.

From Control to Service

Leadership is not about control. It is about cultivating trust through integrity, humility, and clarity.

When we lead that way, people do not follow us because they have to. They follow because they want to.

If this resonates with you, I would love to hear your experience. What has been your biggest lesson about building or rebuilding trust in leadership?

#Leadership #ServantLeadership #EmotionalIntelligence #SpiritualLeadership #TheSpeedOfTrust #TrustMatters #GrowthMindset #SelfAwareness #IntegratedLeadership